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Where We Left Off
Hey all! It’s been awhile so I thought it was about time for an update.
The day after my last post, back in October 2019, I received a job offer that was too good to refuse. At that point I was trying desperately to recover from a spell of deep depression, and was honestly not doing well. This job offer was a turning point for me and changed my life in so many ways.
Starting a New Job
The immediate benefit was that learning how to operate in a traditional office setting with a standard 9-6 schedule was learning experience that took up the entirety of my focus. It was excellent! I had money, insurance, and something other than my depression to think about! I honestly thought I was “cured” and that once I settled into a rhythm at work, I would once again be able to pick up blogging.
Depression, Covid, and a Realization
Unfortunately, once the newness of work wore off, I found myself back in the clutches of a deep depression that I struggled to shake. This, even more unfortunately, lined up perfectly with the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic and moving to a work-from-home setup. Losing the structure of work threw me through a loop so hard I had to move back home just to find solid enough footing to keep going. Some things you just can’t do on your own.
Although I was able to find stability at home, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something just wasn’t right. I shouldn’t be struggling so hard just exist. Even though I panicked at the idea of losing my hard fought stability, I thought that once I was back in the office, my mental state would find a way to get better. HA.
Eventually I broke down and was convinced to at least meet with a mental health professional.
It was at that meeting that I found out that what I thought was depression was actually ADHD related depression as well as the anxiety that I already knew about. Let me tell you what an eye opener that was. I had resigned myself to believing that I was just a broken lazy person that didn’t have a work ethic and once I figured out how to put in MORE EFFORT I would be an okay member of society.
The Signs Were All There
Having gone back through the things that I’d written before, it’s clear how much of my struggles and depression were caused by underlying, unknown and untreated ADHD. Hoo-boy, was the struggle ever real!
After diagnosis and talking with my doctor as well as reading the suggested research, I’m able to see how much of my time and energy was spent just trying to be “normal”. It was EXHAUSTING. And honestly infuriating. How much time had I lost just fighting my own brain and wondering why I wasn’t able to do the things that seemed so easy to others?
In the end, it’s not productive to dwell on the past and what could have been. If you’ve gone through something similar I hope you are able to give yourself grace that you were doing your best. Instead, let’s try to focus on the positives of the future.
Looking to the Future
Now that I’m receiving treatment for my health issues, I feel so much more in control and I’m excited to get back to my passions. Like writing for all of you <3
Going forward you can expect more money and productivity related content from me as usual but now, because it’s such an important factor, we’re going to filter it through the lens of working with ADHD. If we’re being honest, almost all of my content has always been that way, I just didn’t realize it.
But enough about me, let’s talk about you! If you have any stories to share about your struggles and triumphs with ADHD and money, I’d love to hear about them. Feel free to share in the comments below or send me an email. I’m excited to connect!